Today: Family First, Atheist Second

A little over an hour ago, my sistercousinfriend called me from L.A. (I'm in Detroit).  We're biologically cousins, but we have a sisterly connection that my sister and I will never have.  Anyhoo, she called me distraught!  I was taken aback, because I haven't heard her cry since...shit, I don't think I've ever heard her cry.

Her mom's been in and out of the hospital due to heart/lung maladies.  Today, her mom said she's tired and wants to them to let her 'go home.'  Being devout christians, I knew mom meant go home as in 'go home to glory' not the crib! After my cousin paused, I said hesitantly: 'ummm T, I don't think I'm the right person to talk to about this.  You may want to call mama or my aunt, and talk to them about this. I'm definitely not the person you want to talk to.  I mean, you know how I feel about death and shit like that.'

Her reply?
'Bitch, just because you're an atheist doesn't mean I can't call your black ass and talk to you about my mama, shit!'  How can you NOT laugh??  lol

It's true she can call me and talk about her mom, but I only suggested speaking to someone else, because I'm not going to provide the proverbial godly comfort. My cousin knows how I feel about terminal illness, death etc.  She knows if my body is commandeered by a totally fucked up disease, I'm taking the alternate route and off'g myself.  I refuse to let a disease turn me into a blithering, demented sack of painful bones.  I'm very matter-of-fact about that-to everyone. If after 2nd and 3rd opinion, I'm terminal-I will accept the fact and spend time with my loved ones.  Once my body and mind rebels...Sayonara-no prayers, or god shit required.  Knowing that about myself, there's no way I'd spout christianese bullshit- we'll leave her in god's hands, I'll keep her in prayer, we're going to believe god for a miracle, this is a test of faith etc.  That godly shit needs to be taken care of by other family members!

After careful consideration, I reminded my cousin who her mother was-her mom was a successful  independent go-getter.  She's older now and her body is acting in a way beyond her control-she's scared!  Also, the constant in/out of hospital's taxing on the mind.  Mom's wanting to either heal the hell up or fucking die.  She's had enough of the mental yo-yo!

I also reminded her...since when has her mother asked people for permission to do anything?! lmao She had to laugh-I told her when her mother is truly ready to get out of here, she will TELL us she's leaving and she's not going to give a damn what we think!

I put my mom on 3-way and in her own quasi-spiritual way, she seemed to alleviate some of my cousin's stress.

In the end listening to my cousin, giving her a shoulder to lean/cry on reigned supreme over my atheistic thoughts on death-especially where her mother's concerned. Today, family first...atheist second.

Yours in reason,